Nurturing Self-Acceptance
November 12, 2023 2024-01-12 7:35Nurturing Self-Acceptance
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Most of us have an image of ourselves in our minds that is very different from the one we see in the mirror. In truth, it is better if we were to imagine ourselves more attractive than we appear to be in our reflection because this may help some of us to have more confidence. Imagine if we see ourselves in our mind's eye as looking older and unattractive, what would that do for our confidence? It is better to overestimate our abilities for example then to underestimate them. By doing this it enables us to do and be more than we would be able to from an "underestimate" position. To see ourselves positively in our mind's eye is a wonderful ability, and for those to whom this ability doesn't come very naturally we can suggest practicing positive visualisation exercises.
An interesting question to pose to ourselves however is: "who is doing the judging?" Inevitably, we will find that it is in fact only really ourselves. Someone once said, "What a great blessing it would be if we could see ourselves as others see us!" We are our own worst critics no one is as hard on ourselves as we are. No one else would be so unkind and ignore all the good points. Many of us unfortunately see only what we have decided are our flaws; it is important to look at ourselves through the eyes of love and not self-judgment.
We only perceive the things our own unique 'filters' will allow us to see. No one sees us in the same way. Each person we meet will perceive us differently and their perception is more to do with the filters of their reality than it is to do with our own. The trouble is, we believe that they see what we see - this belief is totally false. The only way they would see us as we see ourselves would be if they were truly us.
Style Coaching™ encourages us to be kind to ourselves, to love ourselves, put away all the judgments and start living from inside ourselves not through the imaginary eyes of someone else whose perception we have no control over. If we might be able to truly know ourselves, we need to look beyond the surface and really see ourselves for who we are - not from a distorted abstract angle that was formed in our imagination and has no real basis in reality.
Once we begin to see ourselves through the eyes of love and acceptance we can really feel at home inside ourselves. Once we are there, we are in the driving seat of our lives. We become what is known as "associated" into ourselves. We are looking out of our own eyes, fully present in ourselves, and only from this position can we make decisions that affect the course of our lives. The poorer our self-image is, the more we tend to dissociate from ourselves and retreat more into a constructed personality / outer image. Often, this can lead to people avoiding mirrors because they don't like the person they see. From this position, we are not 'at home' within ourselves. No one is at the helm steering our lives, and we no longer want to be inside ourselves because it is not a pleasant place to be.
The first thing we must do on this journey towards self-acceptance is to put away all judgment of ourselves and of others. This is the only way that true self-acceptance can begin. We need to look in the mirror and start to see ourselves from a loving perspective. The real question is: Can we do that? If we can, there is a huge prize to be won; we can come home inside ourselves to a place where we can feel safe, secure, loved, needed and wanted just as we are.
"We travel around in our own minds. Why not make the inside of our heads a pleasant place to be and travel in luxury? If we are to truly be the architects of our own lives build a mansion and not a hovel..."
Richard Bandler, the creator of NLP
Excerpt from the Style Coaching™ Training Manual – Part 1, Chapter 5: Stepping into the Inner Changing Room.
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